All About Magic of Making Up

Every year within the US alone, almost 1 million marriages end in divorce.This is an incredible number! That would be as if all of the residents of Houston, Texas, were divorced (each divorce leaves 2 people).

The question is how many of those marriages could possibly be saved. Sad to say, that is an invisible number. If a marriage remains together, it is impossible to locate in the statistics. As Marian Wright Edelman wrote, statistics are stories with the tears washed off.

Can your marriage be preserved? If I could answer that, I would be rich. I can say this that if your marriage is in trouble and you do nothing at all, the outcome is certain. If you do something, there is a far greater chance that the marriage will be saved.

And I can tell you, in four simple steps what you are able to do to save your marriage. You can begin right away. But you have got to understand that I said “simple.” That’s not the same as “easy.” These actions are not painless. They do, however, offer you a path that you must follow if you want to change the destiny of a marriage that’s struggling.

Here are the four steps:

1) Quit the blame game. Quit blaming your partner plus quit blaming yourself. This is the very first step as marriages get frozen into a pattern of blame which immobilizes any opportunity of progress. Rather, the momentum gets dragged down and down.

Blame is our way of avoiding seeing ourselves clearly. It is easier to point the finger somewhere else and declare “It’s his or her fault.” Yet in marriage, you can just as easily turn that pointing finger on yourself and place the blame there, stating “it’s all my fault.”

Alas, blame feels fine in the short-term, however in the long-run, it stops any shift or change. Consequently, even if you can make a long list of precisely why you or your husband or wife should be blamed, forget it. Even if that list is factual, it is not going to help you to put your marriage back together again. Blame is the fuel for divorces.

2) Take responsibility. Decide you can do something. Change invariably begins with just one person who wants to see a change. Realize that taking responsibility is definitely not the same as taking the blame (see above).

Rather, blame is indicating “regardless of who is at fault, there are some things I can do differently, and I’m going to do them.” What buttons do you allow your partner to push? What buttons do you push with your husband or wife? Decide to never allow those buttons to be pushed and stop pushing the buttons.

What amazes me in my counseling is that everybody is aware of everything that they need to be doing or not doing. However it is not easy to move in that direction. You shouldn’t be caught in that. Make your mind up that you will take action.

The main difference between blame and responsibility is this: if I am in a burning building, I could stand around trying to figure out who started the fire, exactly why it has spread so swiftly, plus who I am likely to sue once it is over (blame), or I can get myself and anyone else I can out of that building (taking responsibility). When a marriage is in difficulty, the home is on fire. Exactly how will you take action to save your marriage?

3) Get resources from experts. If others have been helped, you can be, too. Experts equipped with a great deal more perspective and experience are able to be a real help in these types of situations. Do your research and divide the useless from the useful, then take advantage of the useful.

Don’t assume that your predicament is so different from every other situation. I can tell you that after over 20 years of offering therapy, not too much new comes in my doors. Don’t get me wrong; the story varies, yet the dynamics are the very same.

Remember what Albert Einstein said, “The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them.” In other words, the thing that got you into dire straits will not get you out of a tough time. That needs a completely different level of thinking. And that is what you receive from an outside expert, an individual with a fresh viewpoint.

4) Take action. More harm is done by doing absolutely nothing than by taking a misstep. It is too easy to get paralyzed by the circumstances. Therapists frequently speak about “analysis paralysis.” This occurs when individuals get so caught up in their churning thought processes and efforts to “figure things out” that they don’t take action.

It is not enough to just grasp what may be causing the problem. You have got to then take action! On a daily basis, I find individuals coming to my office having the idea that as long as they can simply understand their problem, it will resolve itself. That simply does not happen. Resolution of the situation takes action.

Can your marriage end up being preserved? As long as you follow my recommendations, you have got infinitely more opportunity for saving your marriage than if you do nothing at all. Marriage is one of those areas where it needs two in order to make it succeed, but just one to seriously mess things up. You can just do your part, but many times, that is more than enough. Choose not to ask the question but to start to take action.

Are you prepared to take action? Get the best-selling resource on the web for saving marriages: Save The Marriage, Even If Only You Want It! You can find it at How to Save Your Marriage.