All About Magic of Making Up

Infidelity is the cause of many relationship break ups.  The reason is obvious.  When one partner cheats, the other will usually feel like “I can’t trust you ever again.”

This is a normal feeling after cheating occurs.  That’s because trust is such an essential part of a close, true love.  When it gets broken, we usually feel very strongly that there is no way to get it back.  Even if there are a lot of things we do/did like about our mate, after cheating occurs we don’t feel how we could ever be happy with them after a betrayal like that.  You can learn more about Get Ex Back after infidelity here.

For this reason trust is one of the largest problems in break ups.  Your ex is wondering if they can ever truly trust you not to cheat on them again.  Why get back together if there is just going to be more cheating?  So when break ups happen due to cheating, on of the big issue on your ex’s mind is

Can I ever feel that I can trust you after this?

I mean, if they rejected you because of some problem behavior, like cheating, or fighting, or not communicating with them, then they need to know BEFORE they let you come back that you wont keep doing the thing they left you about.

But the feeling of broken trust is one of the hardest things for an ex to get over.  After all, we usually feel like trust gets built over a long time.  Emotionally, we believe when trust is broken that our relationship can’t be fixed, right?

You must understand the trust issue to see how you can get back together with your ex.  If you can’t deal with the feelings of betrayal and broken trust and the complete emotional distance that it causes, you won’t be able to get back together.  And, if you do somehow luck out and they give you another chance, it won’t last, because without trust there can’t be the feeling of closeness and intimacy we all really want.

How might you deal with your ex’s lack of trust?  It’s a complex answer, but one thing that often happens after cheating is we try to avoid the blame.  We try to say it wasn’t our fault.  We say “I drank too much,” or “You were mean to me!”  When a relationship buster like infidelity has happened, we will almost naturally try to avoid taking the blame. 

Give those excuses to your ex and shell think you’re a weak idiot.  She may take you back, but it wont last, there will be real distance, because those excuses don’t allow her to trust you.  What if you get drunk again?  What if she is cold to you a month from now?  What if a pretty skirt tempts you tomorrow when you’re walking down the street? So one of the first powerful things you can do is accept blame.  Take full responsibility.  Don’t offer weak or lame excuses.  You can learn a full system for Get Your Ex Back In Hours here.

You can own up to it by saying something along the lines of “I cheated on you and betrayed you.  I apologize and I I’m sure I caused you to feel like you can’t ever trust me again…”

This is an adult way to begin to repair the damage to their trust.  Hearing responsibility being taken like that allows us to see that maybe they understand what they did wrong.  It helps lay the foundation for forgiveness.  Just like when you catch your kids screwing up, if they lie about it you just get more angry.  But if they apologize and own it, you can more easily begin to forgive.

There are many other steps that need to be followed before you can truly begin to repair the trust, but this is a very big initial step!  Go here for a free course on How To Have Marital Help.

You’ve broken up with your ex.  A little time has passed and now you want to get your ex back.  What relationship advice can help? Learning some more about these topics can help: How To Fix Relationship Problems can help in lots of ways.

When breaking up, what happens for everyone is that our feelings of closeness and connection with our partner get replaced by emotions like anger or betrayal.  This is why we fight and break up.  It’s just what happens to couples the world over.

But after a short while you started to have feelings of regret and you began to miss those feelings of softness and closeness you had with your mate.  What is happening is that your hurt and bad feelings are changing.  This is an important thing to note about emotions.  Angry, hurt feelings aren’t set in stone.  Feelings change.

You know this from your own life.  You’ve been sad about some things and the sadness goes away after a while, doesn’t it?  You get really angry as somebody, yet even a day later you aren’t as mad.  That’s how emotions work.  They change.  Good ones, bad ones, they will shift.  This is useful Emotional Logic to pay attention to.  Emotions shift, they change all the time for all of us.

You know this first hand.  While you were breaking up with your ex, you were angry or very hurt and sad.  Now, those feelings are being replaced, shifting back to desire and longing for the closeness and connection you had with your mate.  Now you want to give it another go.  Your feelings have shifted.  It seems obvious, but the point is important:  feelings change.

However, some feelings can take a while to change.  They can get stuck.  If your ex doesn’t want to get back together with you, then they are still stuck with feelings of hurt or betrayal.  For example, if you cheated on your ex, this brings up strong feelings in them that are hard to deal with.  Your ex is likely still filled with powerful emoitons like sadness and shame or rage.

How then can you use Emotional Logic to help you to get back with your ex?  One simple important thing you can do is to help them to get their negative feelings released and resolved. Help them to “vent” these feelings and get them off their chest.  You did this by asking them in varioius ways how they feel about whatever you did that triggered the break up.  “How are you feeling about what happened?”  Then be silent and let them start to vent or spill their hurt feelings out.  Listening is an important step in or to Get Ex Back In Just Hours.

Do not argue with them or try to explain yourself endlessly.  Let them do all the talking, you listen.  That way, you avoid more arguing.  Make them right, whatever they say, for just these few minutes.  After a short time of venting, your ex will often begin to let go of the charge they have about what happened.  Then, they can begin to start to feel better about you!

There is more to this process, but supporting your ex in “spilling” and releasing their negative feelings can be a vital part in getting them to take you back into their life.  Feelings change, and you want to help their negative feelings change as fast as you can!

You can get a free course here about the specific steps to get your ex back

We never really got any training on how to apologize powerfully.  Sure, all of us know how to say I’m sorry.  But if you did your ex wrong and now you want them back, you’re going to need to say something much more powerful than I’m sorry.

There is a free course you can download instantly on this at Making Up With Your Ex Fast.

Fortunately, there are deeper levels of apologies that we never learned in school.  When you have lost your relationship and your love because you did something wrong to them, you will need to make a Power Apology.

A power apology has as many as 7 or eight steps to it.   A power apology is designed to get your ex from anger or hurt to acceptance and forgiveness in just hours or sometimes even minutes.  Power apologies should be taught in school, they are so useful in keeping relationships from ending.  Here are the steps to a Power Apology:

The first thing is to fess up to what you did.  Own up to it.  Admit it if you wronged your mate (there is a different process if your mate wronged you).  This is important because rather than excuses and explanations I was drunk, it didn’t mean anything! you let your ex know that you understand that you did them wrong.

The second step is to mirror their feelings.  This is powerful relationship intelligence.  How do you mirror their feelings?  You say something like I know what I did hurt you, and made you feel betrayed, and sad.  You tell your ex how what you did made them feel.  Mirroring their emotional state is potent emotional intelligence.   Your ex will start to feel really heard.

The third thing is to let them vent and get their hurt feelings off their chest.  You listen and let them tell you how they feel about what you did.  You just want to make them feel heard and understood, so you listen and don’t defend or try to explain yourself.

To understand more about the power of venting, you can check out the information at a site on Relationship Intelligence.

If you have followed these first three steps, you are well on your way to making an apology that will get accepted and lead to forgiveness.  By this point you have not tried to blame or defend yourself to your ex for what you did wrong.  You have been an adult and taken responsibility.  At some level they will respect this.    Then you have surprised them by mirroring their feelings, so they are feeling like you understand them.  And finally, you have listened to them, let them vent and get things off their chest.

Finally you can now actually say I’m sorry and apologize.  Now it will likely get accepted by your ex.

Part 2 of this article discusses the steps to take after you’ve apologized, and it can be seen here at Get Ex Back Part 2.

Improving your relationship is not usually hard work.  Just paying attention to these three secrets can transform the quality of your relationship starting today.  More detailed information on all of this is available in a free relationship course

Top Tip Number One:  Play!  Actual relationship studies have shown that there is a decrease in fighting when there is an increase in playing.  So if you are fighting a lot, play more, and test this out for yourself.  Just a few hours a week can begin to uplift your entire relationship.

So do you have a date night at least once a week where you both go spend time playing together like you did in the beginning?So make it a priority to have some fun time with your lover!

Top Secret Number Two:  Get Better At Conflict.  Look, conflict is gonna happen in any long term relationship.  How you manage and deal with the conflict is the key to having a better relationship.  During conflict we all tend to revert emotionally to 7 year olds, but screaming at your mate or expressing contempt are some of the big trouble signs for a marriage.

As you will be arguing with your love from time to time anyway, it is good to start now to take some time to learn how to deal with conflict in healthy ways.  One technique is to learn to attack less during a fight and use “I” statements rather than “you” statements to discuss how you feel.  You can get some free training on conflict and Emotional Intelligence here.

Top Secret Number Three is to Minimize the Mind Reading.  Your spouse can’t read your mind.  They don’t actually just know what you want and need.  Realize this and help them out by asking for what you want.  If you need some time to yourself, ask.  If you need them to just listen instead of give you their advice, make a request for that as well.

By asking for what you need, you can prevent a lot of fights and sulking.You can also support your mate in making requests for what they need as well.  That’s being a good lover.

There is obviously a lot more to each of these three topics.  Books have been written on them.  But spending some time and effort on these three principles will pay off for your relationship over the long term.  If you’d like to learn more about Relationship Intelligence to transform your love life, you can fix relationship problems with a free course.

You can fix relationship problems even if you seem to be the only trying to change your relationship.  You can make your relationship better even if your mate doesn’t seem interested in changing anything at all.  There are many ways to accomplish this, but one is the 4 Step Quick Change Method. This is How To Get Love Help that makes a difference.

The Very First Step:  Be clear about the change you want.  Here you have to be specific.  Is it more talking and connection?  More play and fun time?  Less arguing and battling?

What’s important here is to be as specific and clear as you can be about the change you want to see.  That way, you’ll be more likely to get it.

The Second Step:  Make an intimate request of your mate, being as concrete as you can about the change you want.  Don’t say “We need to communicate better.”  That is too vague and doesn’t help your mate see what you specifically want. Good Relationship Help can really help you make changes for the better.

Do say When we get home from work, can we spend some quality time talking about our day before we turn on the tv?  Be as specific as you can, that way you will more likely get what you want.

Step Three is simple to get a yes, no or maybe from your mate.  Do not let them ignore you or blow you off.

Look, they may surprise you and just say yes if you have made an attractive offer or request.  Or they may want to counter-offer to talk while you go for an evening walk or whatever.  And they may say no, but if so, it’s okay.

Step Four is how to deal with them if they say no to your request.  First off, you don’t need to start screaming or stalk off in frustration.  Often times it will be a delayed yes, they will just eventually start doing what you asked.

The important thing with a no is to honor it.  But you can always ask again later in the week, and see what they say next time.  When it is important to you, don’t give up after just one no.

There is a lot more to fixing relationship problems, but this tool can get you started.  You will find with a little skill you can change your relationship when you are the only one who is trying. You can get more How To Get Love Relationship Advice here.