If You Want To Save Your Marriage – You Must Talk To Each Other

Posted by articles on 29 March 2011

When what started as a blissful marriage begins to falter, you need to jump into action to save your marriage as soon as possible—especially if there are children involved. Both partners, and the kids, are going to suffer if you don’t do something to put it right. But marriages are complicated. People are complicated.

 

When things start to go wrong, the first reaction of both partners is often to retreat into their shell. They clam up and stop talking to each other. Remember when you first met, you couldn’t stop talking. Telling each other everything about yourself, your friends, your dreams, what makes you smile, what makes you sad. Now, conversation is reduced to monosyllabic utterances over the breakfast table ‘When you coming home?’ ‘I dunno – late I expect’. You know the sort of thing I’m talking about. It’s as if everything they say is loaded with resentment or malevolence. You asked ‘what time will you be home?’ as a simple enquiry because you might have to visit your sick mother, and your opposite number interprets this as ‘I expect you’re going to be late again on purpose to avoid helping me with the chores and to avoid being with me’

This sequence of, sometimes purposeful, misreading of messages has to be broken if you are going to save your marriage. Now, for a lot of us, when this happens in our marriage, we don’t have a clue where to go for assistance. We talk to our friends, but they’re not always able to be objective. We know that there are marriage counselors out there but they cost an arm and a leg and you know very wellthat your partner wouldn’t agree to visit one in any case.

Well, maybe I can help you out a little. Saving your marriage, even if one partner refuses to get involved in the process isn’t as hard as you might think. You just need to know how to go about it. And much of this stuff can be learned quite simply from a downloadable e-book.

Provided it’s written by an experienced relationship counselor then you’ll be able to get dozens of ideas and helpful hints on how to handle a recalcitrant partner and start to make an effort to save your marriage.

If you want to save your marriage by employing the methods I’ve outlined about then it’s definitely worth taking a peek at Save My Marriage Today – the ebook. It’s a goldmine of information if you’re worried that your marriage is heading for the skids.

 

Will My Wife Ever Love Me Again – How To Make It Happen

Posted by Magic of Making Up on 17 February 2011

If you are in a marriage that isn’t going all that well, or you have recently been divorced or separated, then you may be asking yourself, "will my wife ever love me again?" If so, then you can take some small comfort in knowing that you are not the only one. Most marriages start off with high hopes, then over time start to lose their appeal. Regardless of your situation, you should know that it isn’t always easy to rekindle lost love, but it is possible in the vast majority of cases. However, you must have a "whatever it takes" attitude if you want to succeed.

Before you start taking steps to win back love, you have to do something else first. You have to make 100% sure that your wife has really fallen out of love with you. Ask yourself, "how do I know she doesn’t love me anymore?" What evidence do you see? Is it possible it could be a sign of something else? Remember, people change, and that applies to both of you. In fact, she may still love you just as much as ever, but it’s you who has changed. Either way, let’s continue to assume that she has stopped loving you for the time being.

The good news is that there are plenty of things you can do to get her to love you again. Now, there aren’t any guarantees in life, except one. If you don’t do anything, then nothing will happen. So, it’s up to you to follow through and take action. The first thing you have to do is realize that none of this happened overnight, though it may seem like it did. It usually starts when two people stop communicating with each other. Therefore, your main course of action will be to reopen those lines of communication.

Of course you still need to use common sense. For example, if your wife is telling you that she needs more time and space for herself, that she has to think and wants to be left alone for a while, then that’s not a good time to try to force her to communicate with you. Also, just because she wants some time alone isn’t a sign she doesn’t love you. Perhaps the stress of your strained marriage is getting to her too, and she wants to resolve some things. It won’t be easy, but give her as much time as she needs, without pressuring her to talk. She will let you know when she’s ready.

You will get a much better answer to the question of "will my wife ever love me again?" if you give her the chance to come to terms with her own feelings first. Once that happens, you can move on to talking to each other about what went wrong, how to fix it, and how to rebuild a happier future together. Again, you have to be willing to do whatever it takes, but it will be worth it in the long run.

Can I Get My Husband To Love Me Again

Posted by Magic of Making Up on 17 February 2011

Can I get my husband to love me again? What a tough position to be in. It’s unbearably hard to be in love with someone who doesn’t seem to still be in love with you. This situation is even worse when that person is your spouse, the one person who is supposed to love you unconditionally.

It’s just a sad reality that sometimes couples drift apart. Even though it’s sad, it can also be overcome. It’s easier to overcome if the relationship has just gotten stale than if there has been infidelity or some other really serious issue. If there has been serious problems like cheating and/ or other forms of abuse you might want to reevaluate your desire to get your husband to love you again. If there has been abuse than what the two of you shared, wasn’t really love in the first place.

At that point counseling would be in order. If your husband abused you and you want his love again, there are some very serious issues that you have going on that need to be addressed. Find a good therapist, one that you like and trust, and spend as much time as you need to to figure out why you think so little of yourself that you would want to return to an abusive man and an abusive relationship.

Assuming there were no serious issues in your relationship, one of the first things you can do is to find out whether or not your husband really has fallen out of love with you. You may be surprised to find that he actually does still love you but that those feelings have just gotten pushed aside for one reason or another.

Sometimes it’s just a case where both spouses get so stressed out with day to day life that they forget to ‘be in love’ with each other. The little looks, the small caresses tend to go by the wayside when life gets too overwhelming. It doesn’t matter which spouse stops doing if first, eventually you may both be remiss in your affections to your spouse, and each of you may then conclude that the other doesn’t love them anymore.

Your husband may well be wondering how he can get you to love him again! To find out if this is the problem, and to overcome it if it is, the best thing you can do is to free up some time. I know, many people would say they just don’t have any free time, but in a lot of cases that’s not entirely true. We tend to feel the need to take care of everyone and sometimes we have to teach ourselves to just walk away. You may find that in order to free up some time you’ll have to let go of some of the commitments you either volunteer for or just can’t say no to, your marriage is worth it.

Once you’ve found a way to free up some time for yourself, ask your husband to do the same. From that point on the two of you can use this time to reconnect with each other. Get to know each other all over again. Spend time together, without the kids, and just remind each other of the love and fun times you used to share. In most cases it is all still there and these ‘reconnecting times’ will allow it to begin to flow back.

So, yes, in answer to your question: can I get my husband to love me again, the answer is yes.

Ways To Save A Marriage – Before It Gets Out Of Control

Posted by Magic of Making Up on 17 February 2011

What are some ways to save a marriage? If your relationship has gotten totally out of control, the first thing to do is regain that control. The only way you will be able to make the relationship work is if everything stays calm, cool, and collected. Keeping your heads in times of difficulty is key to keeping the lines of communication open. As soon as communication breaks down then everything is lost and you will pay dearly to get it back.

The first thing you need to do is figure out what the heck is going on. As soon as you do that then you can figure out how to fix it. What do the two of you fight about all the time? Money? Money is the number one reason people fight and marriages end.

When you first meet and are falling in love, everything is wonderful. It seems as if the two of you were made for each other and you decide to get married. After the wedding you try to combine your lives into one and unless you both learn to compromise, this is where resentments and misunderstandings can start to creep in.

Then what happens? Life comes front and center and instead of spending all your time together just being in love, you have to deal with work, the bills, the kids, the house and the yard and all of a sudden there is no time for the two of you. You barely kiss goodnight before falling into a fitful sleep that does nothing to relieve the exhaustion that you feel.

Some ways to save a marriage include making time for the two of you at least once a week. Plan a date night every week and do not let anything get in the way. Ask grandma and grandpa to watch the kids and go to dinner and a movie or spend the night in a hotel room and just reconnect. Order room service and have your dinner in bed. Leave the TV off and only call once to check in with the kids, then turn the phone off. Get a real good dose of each other so when you have to face reality again the next day you will be fortified against the world and it’s perils.

If money is a real problem, figure out how to bring more money in or figure out how to spend less. Cut out unnecessary items and buy only what you need. As soon as you get your feet back underneath you the sooner you can relax and stop worrying about money all the time. Try to stay positive and positive things will happen. Small changes can make big differences in your day to day lives.

If you find that these things are still ineffective then by all means see a counselor. The love you have for each other is worth it and a good counselor can shed some new light on your relationship and help you breathe new life into it. Seeing a counselor can be one of the ways to save a marriage.

Marriage Infidelity – Gut Check Time

Posted by Magic of Making Up on 16 February 2011

Let’s face facts, not all marriages should be saved. Sometimes the two partner’s just aren’t compatible and just can’t make thinks work. At other times there are real issues such as marriage infidelity, which can be virtually impossible to move past.

If you or your spouse has been unfaithful but you both feel that there is still something in the relationship worth saving, it’s time for a gut check. Don’t think that the road to save your marriage will be smooth or short. You had better prepare for a rough ride, and it’s going to have a much better chance of working if you enlist the help of a professional counselor to help clear the path, as much as possible.

Here’s a few things to keep in mind:

1. If the person who committed the adultery is a serial cheater, why stay at all? Come on,who are you kidding? No matter how much you may love them, they are flawed. They aren’t ever going to change they are just going to make your life miserable at best, and at worst they’ll bring some nasty disease home and clear out your bank account. Leave.

If this was a one time lapse in judgment, and let’s be honest, in the right circumstances any of us could have one, than you might have a chance but only if the offending party is truly sorry and will, or already has, stopped seeing the other person. If they won’t commit 100% to making things work, it won’t work. Again, it’s best to leave.

2. As hard as it may be to face, it might help if the two of you could talk openly about what they found so irresistible in the other person. It’s going to hurt, but the reality is that people don’t cheat for sex, though that is part of it, they cheat because they get something from the other person that they don’t get from their spouse.

Sometimes it can be something ‘real’ like feeling needed or loved. Other times it’s not ‘real’ it’s childish, like feeling like they are the only one that matters in the relationship. Finding out what the attraction was might help the two of you recapture something that has been lost in your relationship, something that you may not even have realized was gone.

3. It’s very important to the long term health of your relationship that the person who was cheated on can find a way to not throw it up in their partner’s face every time there is a fight. And that will be hard. But unless you can truly forgive and forget, it won’t work out.

On the other side of the coin, the person who strayed must understand that it can take a lifetime for their partner to really ever trust them again. Sorry, that’s just the way it is.

Also, the person who strayed has to own it, period. Now is not the time to blame your spouse and use the classic line: "my wife/husband just doesn’t understand me". B.S. You are every bit as guilty, maybe more so, in the failing of your marriage as your spouse. Don’t blame your weakness and the fact that you cheated on your partner. You did it, period. Own it and you’ll be a better person for it.

Marriage infidelity can be gotten past, but only if the two of you are willing to try, and try hard. Good luck.

Tips On How To Get My Wife To Love Me Again

Posted by Magic of Making Up on 16 February 2011

No one wants to see their loving marriage dissolve into indifference. It can be a painful thing to watch, it can also leave you feeling utterly helpless and unable to stop it. If you just don’t feel the love anymore and you want the answer to the question: how to get my wife to love me again, than there are a few things you can try. There is no guarantee it will work, sometimes by the time you ask the question it’s already too late, but you’ve got nothing to lose by giving it a try.

Marriage can be a weird relationship. The longer the two of you are together the more comfortable you can feel with each other but at the same time there is more of a chance that the two of you will grow in different directions. This is a very common problem and since it happens slowly, over a period of years, it can be very easy to miss the signs until it’s too late.

That is the first thing you should do, try to identify how you’ve changed since you and your wife have been together. Have the changes you’ve had been positive or negative?For most of us, we can say that a lot of the changes are negative. We used to have big plans, dreams and ambitions, but now we come home from work and veg out in front of the t.v. until it’s time for bed. Boring. If you used to be full of hope and promise and now you seem like you’ve given up, you may simply not be the same man your wife originally fell in love with.

The sad thing is that not only may your wife not feel the same way about you now, you may not feel the same way about yourself. If you’ve just given up on your dreams you are probably unhappy with yourself deep inside. Try to rekindle some of those passions, it will make you happier and remind your wife of the man she fell in love with all those years ago. It’s a win/ win.

Have you let yourself go? If you used to be fit and strong but now you’re more pudgy than toned, maybe you should hit the gym. It will be good for you and it might help rev up her enthusiasm a little bit too.

Do you treat your wife the way you used to? Probably not. We can all fall into the trap of taking our partner for granted, the longer you are together the easier it is to do. She may well do the same thing to you. Try to get back to some of the patterns of behavior you used to have in the early days of the relationship. If you used to get her flowers every now and then ‘just because’ it may be time to start that tradition again.

Don’t make things harder than they have to be. The answer to the question how to get my wife to love me again, might be as simple as going back in time and acting more like the man you used to be rather than the man you’ve become. It might just be good for both of you.

The Real Marriage Test

Posted by Magic of Making Up on 15 February 2011

If you have ever thumbed through a magazine that regularly discusses relationships, whether it be a men’s or women’s magazine, chances are you have seen various types of quizzes. One of the more common quizzes is the marriage test. You answer a few silly questions, and then check your answers to get some supposedly deep insight into you relationship.

There is nothing wrong with such quizzes, and they can be a fun way to pass some while waiting for a doctor’s appointment. As long as you only take them for what they are–a source of entertainment–then there is no real harm in taking them. Besides, if you have ever taken them, you have probably noticed one or two things. First, the explanation of your score is so far off that it’s downright laughable. Second, the explanations are so general that they could apply to virtually any relationship you have ever been in; good or bad.

It is probably a safe assumption that no marriage test in a magazine has ever saved a marriage. They are fun and have their place, but fixing a relationship isn’t it; no matter what the maker of the quiz claims. However, there is a test you can use to help make your marriage stronger. You won’t find it any magazine, but not to worry, the questions of this marriage test are below.

Before you take the test, you need to decide which way works best for you. Will each of you take it separately with a pen and paper, or will you discuss the answers as you take the test? Either way, the main goal is to spark a good discussion about your marriage. This is important because good communication is one of the foundations of a healthy marriage.

1. How do you envision our future? This is a good question because it will show if you have drifted apart, or if you are still together in the things you want from the relationship. It’s far better to know where each of you stands instead of making assumptions. But, as long as you both seeing you being together, then it’s possible to work out the details.

2. What do you want from the marriage and life? The purpose of this question is to not only see what the ideal marriage means to each other, but to also see what the bigger life questions mean. Over the years people change, so you may be surprised to learn how your spouse answers this question, and vice-versa.

3. What’s the one thing you would change? By asking this you will get an idea of where the problem areas of your marriage are. Don’t take it personally, but be happy that you get a chance to learn where you can make improvements.

4. What could I do better? Be careful here. You need to make sure there is enough respect before you ask this question. The one answer you don’t want to hear is "nothing". The truth is that none of us are perfect, and that means there is always room to do better. Your spouse should feel comfortable enough to tell you the truth, and you should feel confident enough to hear it.

Best Ways To Get Your Wife Back And Keep Her

Posted by Magic of Making Up on 15 February 2011

I can not really tell you the exact best ways to get your wife back, because I do not know you or why your wife left. What I can do is give you some ideas that have worked for thousands of men and more than likely will work for you too.

Of course, you may have to modify this advice a little depending on your specific situation. But for the most part, this information has helped save a lot of relationships and may well be able to help you too.

For one thing, you have to explore the relationship with your wife and try to identify what went wrong. The two of you were in love and compatible at one time, weren’t you? Well, what changed?

In most marriages the changes happen slowly and kind of sneak up on you so answering this question may not be as easy as it would seem.

I’m not talking about what the two of you fought about, that is different in almost all cases from what actually happened to make you start to resent each other. I seriously doubt any marriage on the planet fell apart because the husband forgot to put the toilet seat down, or because the wife left her lingerie hanging on the shower rod.

These are the things that get on your nerves when you are already mad or upset about something else. But what was it that lead to that resentment? It was probably more than one thing. In many cases a couple just starts to drift apart. They get focused on kids or work and do not connect with each other.

When they finally do try to connect they find that they are almost strangers. They just do not get the other one, they are not on the same page the way they once were.

If that is the case than it can be changed. The two of you can reconnect but only if you are both willing to spend the time and try. It probably won’t be easy, but as long as you both want it badly enough you can do it.

I know we all like things to be settled quickly and if you are in pain you no doubt would love to find
best ways to get your wife back quickly. The truth is though, that there are no quick fixes.

Another thing you can do while you are working all this out is to try and breathe. Try to take some time and calm down. Live your life. It is important to find the problems and find the solutions to those problems but it is also important to give yourself permission to slow down and be calm.

Actually, that can be vital to the success of your plan to get her back. If you come off as a desperate spaz you will only scare her off further. You have to let her see the strong, confidant, yet humble man that she fell in love with.

That coupled with your new found insight can really make her want to get back with you, and that can be one of the best ways to get your wife back.

What Does Marriage Really Mean To You and I

Posted by Magic of Making Up on 15 February 2011

Most people would count their wedding day as one of the happiest days in their lives. Marriage is often defined as "two people taking a voluntary vow to remain together for life". That’s a fair definition of marriage, but it isn’t going to do much for keeping you happy. So, that leads to the question of what marriage really means.

Perhaps the better solution is to define what marriage means to you. Then ask your spouse (or soon to be spouse) what their definition is as well. This will give each of you a better idea of what the relationship is all about. It can also give you interesting insights into what your partner thinks about being married, and lead to a meaningful conversation about the subject.

It is often said that 50% of marriages in America end in divorce. The truth is that that statistic is questionable at best, but even if the real number is closer to 30% it means the odds of splitting up are far too high. That doesn’t mean a divorce is in your future and that you are doomed from the start, far from it. However, it is a good reason to make sure you practice communicating with one another. And if you have the same ideas and expectations about what does marriage really mean, then you will further increase your odds of staying happily together.

As mentioned, each of you will probably have a different definition of what being married means to you. There is nothing wrong with that, you are both individuals. However, it is a worthwhile exercise to create a common definition of marriage as well. One that you can both agree with, and the one that will be what your marriage is about. You can both keep your own definitions, of course, but they should be in harmony with your agreed up definition.

Let’s face it, most couples will never take the time to do this. That’s a shame because it helps to bring you even close together. It helps build good communication. On top of that, you will both have a much clearer idea of what your marriage means to you. Besides, it doesn’t really take all that much time when you consider the impact it has on a lifetime of happiness.

Once you have decided what marriage means, you can both then work to protect it. Can you imagine the positive impact this can have on your relationship? How wonderful! There is no second guessing what the other person really thinks, and you will both be made stronger because of it. It doesn’t seem too far-fetched to say that if every couple did this, then the divorce rate would be much lower than it is now.

Finally, you will notice that we are talking about coming up with your own personal definition of what marriage means to you as a couple. Sure, the dictionary and legal definitions are important to know, but they can’t compare to coming up with your answer to what does marriage really mean.

Can I Save My Marriage Before It Ends

Posted by Magic of Making Up on 14 February 2011

There is an oft-quoted statistic that says more than 50% of marriages end in divorce in the United States. While there is some evidence that that number is actually lower, there is no doubt that divorce is a problem. After all, who gets married with the idea of getting a divorce? No one. But yet it happens far too often. The sad thing isn’t so much the economic impact it has, but rather the emotional impact it has on all parties involved. Perhaps that’s why the question of "can I save my marriage" is so common when people sense they are headed for trouble.

The most important thing you should know is that it is quite possible to save all but the most troubled of marriages. You have to be willing to seek good advice, follow through on it, and be willing to whatever it takes to make things work. But just knowing it’s possible can you plenty of motivation and inner strength as you go through the process of saving your marriage.

You need to assess just how close you are to really getting a divorce, as that will determine what you need to do. For example, if your spouse has just served you with divorce papers, and you had no idea it was about to happen, then you need to pull out all the stops and go into "emergency mode". On the other hand, if you recently had a heated argument and you feel like things aren’t as good as they used to be, then you probably have a bit more time and can take a long view approach.

One thing you should keep in mind is that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. So don’t feel bad if it’s not going as well as it could be; that’s absolutely normal. There isn’t anybody in the world who is perfect, and a marriage is comprised of two imperfect people. Therefore, it only makes sense that there will be some problems.

If things are getting to be more than you can handle alone, then seeking help from a marriage counselor can help a great deal. They can help each of you to see things from a different point of view. Even more importantly, they will be able to give you advice on how to get along better and communicate more effectively.

When you learn how to communicate with each other, you will notice a huge improvement in your relationship. Good communication needs honesty, openness and respect. A spirit of compromise will also go a long way in keeping things running smoothly.

By following these tips you will be able to give a positive answer to the question of "can I save my marriage". Yes, it will take some work and commitment, but most of the good things in life do. These are only the first steps. You need to take action, and it’s also a good idea to find more information to help the two of you work things out.

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